Okay, start over and listening to Alpha Lyrae star system again. They send…
Η, unknown, labeled “sdr, The Lovers, sword, wild ox.” Unknown or open or uncertain I guess. It would not be anything I can make sense of.
ΚΔ, away results. Out of the pattern 10th in a nine-only world, and it is real. So it is some part that has no place, but it still exists. So it is transcendent or an anomaly, doesn’t fit “the pattern.” Hermit of Empress, is the Tarot terms here. Hebrews would say, “open hand (and) door”. Runes might say, “ulcer, torch of a heritage, estate.”
Η, unknown. A lot unknown here, and out of the normal 1-9 pattern. How can there be a 1oth! We made no plans for ten! Only 9! How can a ten even exist! and the entire discussion is within a context of something that is totally unknown. So this is very out in Oz or something.
ΞΔ, repeating nurture theme, of results. This is THE most grounded, real, down to earth card in the whole deck. So all of a sudden… we went from
ΗΚΔΗ that was totally in loopy land and no sense nor place within Earth. To…
ΞΔ, which is as Earthy, and secure and basic and reliable and “as real as it gets”. So that is quite a swing from one extreme to the other.
ΚΑ, back to loopy land that has no role. Not really loopy, just not a part of the pattern that everything is tuned into
- profit at all cost
- do not think – obey
- never ask a question about anything.
That is our foundation that the framers of the Constitution were trying to build for us. So ΚΑ, back to some out of the pattern of A, intent. Out of the pattern… very very very much a part of the pattern… out of the pattern.
ΜΓ, repeating play of communications. This could be some kind of new pattern after the original A-I is completed, then the next A-I begins only now it isn’t A-I it is M-T. So it would be repeating (in Beta play) as ‘M’ labeled measure. I wonder that it is measuring things now that is more my interest. Before, it didn’t matter what the results of ham radio were. I just wanted my FCC licence and a radio and get on the air and have some fun! I really was not that concerned about measuring as a focus. Only if I were building something from scratch (like a wire antenna) that I had to measure, but it was a means to an end. I wonder that it is measuring that is trying to be “the end” now? Justice, ox-goad, joy or horse. The only thing I get there is measuring power accurately for some reason. A way to measure small amounts of power accurately?
ΛΔ, begins again (turn) of nurture or results. The Wheel of Fortune of the Empress is a Tarot way to say it. A jew would say, “a grasping hand on the door”. Runes might say, “gift of estate.”
ΖΔ, relate nurture (results). Some sort of relational result. Social reality.
Χ, third order play, labeled “everything”. Also labeled “the World, mark or signature, birch tree.” I think of initials being carved into a tree. As an ending as well, Χ marks the end of the Major Arcana in tarot. So it all ends with a birch tree and something written into it, that relates to “everything” or the world. Maybe whittlin’?
ΜΑ, repeating play theme of intent. “measure begin”. So we are back to this measuring theme again. Measure… what exactly?
Η, _____, unknown, not sure, labels include “The Lovers, wild ox, sword.” Measure begin the unknown, lovers, a wild ox, or a sword. Which would I rather measure. Probably the unknown. If it is unknown how can you measure it though? Pretend it is being measured perhaps. The pretending of life seems to be a key maybe. If I can make myself believe that what I am doing is fun, then maybe it will eventually become the psychosis (real).
ΒΒ, playing at play. House of house, Magician of Magician, man of man. “Um… Alex I’ll try Magician of Magician for 800.”
ΔΔ, “now you see it now you don’t” was the credo of his act.
“What is the Sphinx. Magician of Magician for 1000.”
ΘΓ, “in some cities, this magical act was banned.”
“The sawing of the woman in half.”
“The form of a question please…”
“What is the sawing of the woman in half trick… um… let’s try Famous Drinks in History for 200, Alex.”
“This famous drink is known for its life giving properties.”
“What is a bloody mary. Famous drinks for 400.”
“If you can beat ’em, join em is this drink’s claim to fame.”
“What is whore’s eye beer. Famous drinks in history for 600.”
“In Spain, this beverage is often used for multiple purposes.”
“What is a gin and bear tit, famous drinks in history for 800.”
“They may not have survived, but the Titanic was known for this drink.”
“What is Scotch on the Iceberg… ”
ΕΑ, view begin. View begin what?
ΜΒ, repeating play of play. View begin measure play. Back to the measuring theme. Measure what? Watts?
Δ, nurture, existence, life, solid, real, basic, simple, restrained, conservative. Measure that?
Where can I find it to measure it? My meter says 0, it doesn’t exist.
ΝΑ, within begin. A repeating share, communication theme of intention. Within begin would be, B, e, g, i, n. Measure out some gin. Or measure begging. . measure play – nurture – within begin.
ΛΑ, turn (repeating beginning) of beginnings.
ΝΓ, within (repeats share) (of) share. Emphatic share theme, the most talky of the deck. 333.
ΛΑ, turn (repeating beginning) of beginnings.
111 333 111
ΗΔ, 74. _____ nurture. Unknown of results. 7+4 = 11.
111 333 111 11
AA, 1 of 1. 11. 2.
111 333 111 74 11…
Ξ, 14… is 44.
111 333 111 74 11 44
111 333 111 74 11 44 44
ΞΑ, 141, 441.
111 333 111 74 11 44 44 441
the next placement should want to be, a 1. Lets see…
ΙΓ, 93. nope it is a 93, complete communication…
Not sure what we are doing here, Α. It seems pointless other than I am always curious about any patterning within random sets. That is the weird thing, is that there are patterns, the just aren’t reproducible. There is an immediacy about rnd that no other results will give you. It is like RND always brings matters to the present moment and everything else is trying to get to the future moment (equity patterns).
Best as I can figure, I never developed the most basic human relating patterns that you have to have to be able to interact successfully with others. So, my life was basically an act, all the time. I was able to observe how others were reacting in social settings, and just parroted them. It wasn’t really “from my heart” though, it was a strategic behavior pattern that allowed me to coexist with the creatures, that looked like I was interacting like everyone else. But everyone else was probably responding instinctively, as though they were “tapped in” to the social cloud of “human relating patterns.” I wasn’t. I didn’t hear a thing. But I learned real quick that some responses got a smile from adults, and some responses got a slap across the face. So by virtue of pain, you can evolve a survival response behavior that follows you in life. Eventually it failed out. I began to just say what I felt, and by that point I didn’t care any more what I was saying. So I would tell girls I was in love with them and get fired. Or tell my boss I thought their idea was asinine and get fired. Or tell my dad nothing and get whipped for it. By this point I mostly hate all of you and do not pass up any opportunity to wish hell and damnation down on all of your heads.
I don’t see this as anyone’s “fault” I might as well blame the air and the oceans at that point. So it is so bewildering to me… totally… bewildering. The entire scope of existence looks like a bad joke dreamed up by deranged angels strung out on too much angel food cake.
So alpha lyra I am miserable and hating life as usual. Is this a common pattern for us? To go through some kind of phase where you wish hell on everyone? Or do you find a hobby eventually that is fun.
This being all out of the pattern, no longer “in Earth” or normal by the usual standards… what in the world is left? Hobbies? Stamp collecting? I thought about starting an aquarium. A small one, something to try and take care of. I am trying to remember what being nice means. This is really not working out. I wish there really was a star out there that could hear me. Then I could… just write to you and dream of you and live in a mental hospital.
ΚΔ, away nurture, away results, away “as real as it gets”, away, out of the pattern not fitting in no real place any more not sure I ever had a place. So then… what are we working with here? Some kind of ghost version of what I remember? It is unsettling to me. Frightening in some creepy way I don’t even want to go outside that much. It all looks so… acted out… I look at people’s heads and see gears and pulleys… clicking solenoids and wires and machine oil and… pretty craftily programmed. And clanking around so… perfect are they…. they look like humans on the surface. But they are programmed things that only appear that way. How can you tell the difference?
A real creature will be a child, lost, afraid.
It should not matter… what I do… go out, meet the girls at Hensies… buy them drinks we all take turns and life is so wonderful with friends, I used to have friends… I used to see Wandy a lot. Even Beverly was sort of a friend to m e… after hours… she was… different. Once you got her out of the office. Of course I never got to find out anything… life was always…
at the office.
There. Tack that onto the epilogue, Michelle and say that was our intention. We were trying to capture the feeling of life at the office. The friendly folks across the hallway, my people, my fellow… countrymen? hmm… I wonder… how “together” we really are… how “united”… is it al for one and one for all? Or all for one, and one for one… seems to be the story here. Well we will publish a book and tell them all to rot.
I am starting to notice these demons near me, my family. They pick the perfect time to interrupt me when I am writing. It is uncanny how they are so smart that way. Just when I am about to write an important point they come banging around and making noise I hate their guts I can’t stand those closest to me… hare everything and everyone… except…
you. dear. wanda. jane. my heart for one more wish of you. thinking of you all the time the quiet girl who never says much just sits in the corner and waits the silent lady who takes me away and never remember how… i do think of you a lot… i had… so m any ideas wonderful dreams for your work and your bunch down there… like…. i saw what we will be a thousand million years from now… maybe sooner… when life turns around our stories… that everything was in place designed for us to be able to tell our tales to one another… and gave us ALL PLACES IN THESE INDUSTRIES so we can st0p going insane and burning the planet down… we are not in our right work we are not in our right jobs we were ALL SOLD A PACK OF LIES and now we are wearing out… and all we wanted to do was play… all we wanted to do was play… that was all… to be a creating creaTURE IS ALL I WANTED… then…
girls came along… to help teach me about sex… and babies… because i had no clue… oh this is great i want them i want them and i have no idea why this is a nightmare of the parents… the age of insanity has passed i pray. the age of religious nut cases raping our minds… no more you fc… no more… yc… nfm you sb… du m w i hyltipds by sundown.
One thing is for sure though. That nothing is for sure. Maybe one day I can relax and not feel like I have to type otherwise I will start killing or buy up machine guns (and all i fw wt p ls ucmf) or I can light black candles and say a black mass over this planet now (and all i fw wt p ls ucmf) and it will destroy our lives and begin it again. that is what i want now because
i… don’t… care… about you… or anything… any more. i hate this place so much… i can’t even stand to look at it anymore… i wish it could be…. totally…. f annihilated.
Serve yo honky ass right. Greedy bastards, insane with winning being the boss the top dog to impress to shine to be big to show em to rule with iron balls to have the best jokes to be promoted forever to have all the dough.
Whatever. I will see all of you in hell. We will start over with nothing, and go from there ALL OF US. You don’t like it, prAY.
I am enraged beyond any way to express it. All I see now is blood red anger pouring down from hellish skies over everything you ah love. I see d and d and nightmares on yfha and you will puycmfg you will pyfw uwp u faw for what you have done to my planet.
Maybe it is just a phase… eventually I will emerge even worse off.
share, a common theme, it means to speak the truth with one another. it will begin with me and then the rest of you cowards can step up if any of you have any soul left at all I have my doubts.
unknown, ____, mystery, the lovers, love, relationships, marriage, nightmares, abuse, CHILD Rape of the mind~~!~ child rape of the mind~!~!! child rape h ere!!! to the universe….
CHILD RAPE IS RAMPANT HERE CHILD RAPE OF THE MINDS IS RAMPANT HERE!!! CHILD RAPE IS RAMPANT HERE CHILD RAPE OF THE MINDS IS RAMPANT HERE!!! CHILD RAPE IS RAMPANT HERE CHILD RAPE OF THE MINDS IS RAMPANT HERE!!! CHILD RAPE IS RAMPANT HERE CHILD RAPE OF THE MINDS IS RAMPANT HERE!!! CHILD RAPE IS RAMPANT HERE CHILD RAPE OF THE MINDS IS RAMPANT HERE!!! CHILD RAPE IS RAMPANT HERE CHILD RAPE OF THE MINDS IS RAMPANT HERE!!! CHILD RAPE IS RAMPANT HERE CHILD RAPE OF THE MINDS IS RAMPANT HERE!!! CHILD RAPE IS RAMPANT HERE CHILD RAPE OF THE MINDS IS RAMPANT HERE!!! CHILD RAPE IS RAMPANT HERE CHILD RAPE OF THE MINDS IS RAMPANT HERE!!! CHILD RAPE IS RAMPANT HERE CHILD RAPE OF THE MINDS IS RAMPANT HERE!!! CHILD RAPE IS RAMPANT HERE CHILD RAPE OF THE MINDS IS RAMPANT HERE!!! CHILD RAPE IS RAMPANT HERE CHILD RAPE OF THE MINDS IS RAMPANT HERE!!!
JUST BLASTED THROUGHOUT THE UNIVERSE
you skumbgs are through. (of) Β, play theme area. So the basis is still play… so where can the anger go? It… just… drains… away…
into an ocean of fun… and happy love places… i still want to believe is possible… i still want to believe it can be found… i still want to believe in love… somewhere/.. somewhere….
there is a girl for me…
somewhere… somewhere…. somehow… somewhere….
there is a boy for me…
somewhere there is happiness for me… somewhere there is a finish line…
dear wanda jane.
YOUR MOVIES… you call them movies back then… you should have these everywhere! EVERYWHERE this is the art of our world… they… should… be… on… every corner… for one or two or a small group maybe… could be so simple like a franchise… small black rooms where you go in and see what we are all about… what in the world is this place… whAT… am I… supposed to do… be… i am so lost where do I turn… I am so miserable…
ΗΓ, ____ share.
unknown communications. Maybe you are clueless what I am saying. What do you want me to say? How should I say it?
away results, nurture. out of the pattern (real). Hey wanda if this is out of the pattern then it just between me and you. There is no world any more… what is out there… what all that means… who cares who cares who cares now… it is just between you and me… no one else… i think the world of you and wish every wonderful success your way… i am sorry i am sos wrecked i had … all… these… visions… of you… in space… and beatin’ back alien scum it was so great so great people were lined up for miles to catch you
one more time.
it was fun anyway at the time. And then time marched on and I am left to… start over I guess…. so… that meant KAPPA showed up then… and THE MOON and the horrible crab beings who come like cats in the night. wish I had more to say. you probably understand… well if you ever want to stop by again. i gave you my address in Laguna… my door is always open to you… we can… have coffee again some time like we used to… remember? at the dolls… i was in heaVEN with you there… the light shining from the windows and you looked like an angel to m e… and it was nice. And then it is gone. And then I am left to… begin again? how… long… do… i … have to keep starting over? i will never survive this way… one day i will finish and not be able to take another step and i hope it is with you i hope we SAIL ACROSS THAT MARTIAN FINISH LINE together….
landing for real… like hell and tears descending… nasa you better build litttle showers inside those helmets they will be crying their eyes out… after a long, long voyage and some did not make it. Lost their minds and still were crew. But we made it there. Enough of us was left… we did touch down and it was very emotional. The long black night is over, AND NOW BEGINS A new life on Mars. A new city to call our own. Our little colony of love… dedicated…
to preserve the health and sanctity and pristine beAUTY OF thAT perfect world… dear usa dear god in heaven GET A CLUE WE ARE SUPPOSED TO BE THE CHAMPIONS OF THE ENVIRONMENT!@!!!!!! MY GOD GET A CLUE GET A FREAKING CLUE AMERICA GET A BRAIN TRANSPLANT OR SOMETHING!@!!! JESUS!!!!
sri wy i get so worked up… all those memories… i don’t know what to do with it all any more… maybe over the years down there life will slowly wax again… i have no idea what to expect any more. have to trust in the skies or something to bring about whatever is best or right or… good… i have no clue what tht is… jeez… all i ever… wanted to so was… paint landscapes… do some needlepoint once in a while for God’s sake. But this place… holy f’ing toledo…
so… serious… are they…. and for that… I am happy to announce that a delegation of SIRIUS STAR SYSTEMS WILL BE LANDING TODAY and take over everything until we get a rational mind reinstated. So serious… okay… they will teach us now what serious is….
sri wj… you see… I can’t help myself… anyway… wishing you all the best i don’t have any other way to talk to you AS PER OUR AGREEMENT… so this is it… and it is a little difficult to talk to someone pretty and sweet and sincere like you… in a story like this… i try though… maybe… in some other world they can hear words like these… maybe i do reach you somehow… maybe loving thoughts find ways… you know? Loving and gentle thoughts somehow always reach their destination… like magic… nature could help… i wish… okay well… if you get out north of your place in Malibu and are bored sometime… you can bring your wares and we can watch what lovely angels do for a living… and make popcorn and probably get into trouble too… maybe not. Maybe you are too nice for that. Probably too nice. That is okay then, we won’t get into trouble! It will just be nice and fun. How’s that. So… I know it is a longish letter I couldn’t stop though… went on way too long… i think it ended a few years ago and I didn’t see it…. someone yelled stop, cut, end! And I didn’t hear it… so… okay this goes on for a long time! my my… on and on and on…
turn, repeating begin. on and on and on…
repeating nurture theme of share, communication, transaction.
Something like this… we could make it across space in one piece. Foundations are going to be tested like it or not, in life, in exploration, in love, friendship, anything… will… be… tested… and we are just flesh creatures we are not that “together” as we think. Have to have some kind of basis to build on… something down there that is shared between us… A COMMON LANGUAGE. that would be cool… the crew can drop into this real basic language that is symbolic… if they run into trouble and it is with relations especially the crew was trained in New Delhi to speak another language. The language of core symbols… in case… in case the ‘secure’ language patterns failed… nation’s languages failed… they still had a fall back to a more fundamental pattern. They new how to talk in symbols, and in that way every situation was resolved, relationally. Hardware was another story. IN that case… you hope they build ’em right at Tesla Starlines… and thank heavens they do build them right.
Anyway… I won’t keep blabbering… you know me how I get… it has been so much fun I am sort of sad to see it all end. But we knew we would finally one day break back out into the day, and that is happening now… whew. What an odyssey I have to say… it will be nice to sit down with you again and we can review it all if you like, as discussed. For fun I guess… just make believe haha… what else do we have though? Isn’t it ALL… make believe anyway? so we made a movie in a movmee. A show inside the TitV… AND one day… I am going to see that Glendale girl… one day… I am going to see you.
The Glendale Girl.
Starring… someone… so… nice…