Way back.

We are in big trouble. My story that is.

The curtain is closing and too many are asleep now. The Lord will simply let them sleep on and on. Most will never wake up again. You and me… a few, a handful…

we will wake up tomorrow in a peaceful, clean land where love is all we chase. And little bluebirds. And poems. Meet me there, girlfriend… meet me there today and I will give you a beach home there too. I want to leave. I know you are having fun. But I want to go. What is the point of being here any more Michelle?

I see what you mean… I do care about you sir… tell you what… let’s…    let’s just start with that hand holding… go from there…   can we just hold hands for a long time…  

Yes sure we can. Of course it is all imaginary. Are you okay with that? How do you hold hands with nothing?

oh I just pretend… make it up, you do the same thing. I watch you, you know? I see you… I follow you…   I stand away in shadowy corners and look at this man I love… one day… who knows, I might let you see me.     Maybe… I have not decided yet…

That is sanity. What we are doing in America is not. TELL THEM! Explain it to them. WE ARE INSANE AND OTHER COUNTRIES ARE TRYING TO HELP US AND ALL WE WANT IS TO PICK FIGHTS it is not right. WHERE IS GOD IN YOUR TALKING? NEVER DO I HEAR THE LORD CALLED ON IT IS TIME TO PUT THINE MONEY WHERE THINE MOTH IS.

O h listen to me… what a loudmouth… it is nervous finger syndrome… either they stay busy here or… they get busy in other ways I ain’t so proud of. Where do the lonely men of Glendale go? They go nowhere. Pieces maybe. Dirt  and dust and regrets… where is the regret? My god what is this place. TidVEE came to town and hired everyone to act?

Okay okay… whatever… it is nutzo but I am not jumping off a bridge yet…

ΕΑ, view begin. Ε, view (in general, view, reflection, Heb. heh, window, Tar. The Emperor, Rune loose association with Radio, ride journey [like watching tv]). So that is Ε emphasis. View, pause reflection. You seem so poised I never see you flustered little voice behind these random results. I have watched you… how you hide… keep yourself covered don’t you… very sweet you are, there is true love there between a man and a holy spirit like that… holy girls to me… holy boys… holy radios and holy dreams and everything is beautiful. I just wish I had thicker skin is all. Dear Santa… please bring me thicker skin and a smile that never fades away. And more love for life, every little thing. Thank you Santa, I know you will come around again. I never gave up on you. I… took a little fifty year detour, but I am back and I know that this year…

Children… will be receiving more toys than ever. This holiday morning, will be the most beautiful one ever. Toys everywhere… gifts inside of gifts… and children delirious with play. Lost in fun space. I will be there too. I don’t know what is on my list any more. A gift card to a good psychotherapist in town? A check to cover a session with a B.C. Clinical Psychologist. A subscription to psychology today or Field and Stream. A new car. A new airplane. A new brain.

This is what my home life is like…

Okay? Get the picture? Think… Frankenstein meets the Wolfman and those two go meet Patton. It is so insane I swear I am in some pocket of space time that has been ripped apart so bad by emotionally sick people. Can’t control themselves any more…

And this is America? How come… every survival store online isn’t sold out of everything right now? That is what I want to know. This is who we really are. Yelling at one another just like in the movies. We are acting it all out for real… because we are insane. And we have no idea where we really fit in, in this life. No idea. Never taught, never mentored, never cared about once they kick you out with the fake diploma. There you go kid. Good luck.

Wow.

Thanks a lot. I know calculus and what a gerund is.

And no one once every told me about the birds and the bees. So I just…

started…    making up stuff… between humans… and other creatures. I made up some really… sick material. I used to think it is normal. Not any more. I think the little brain sort of went away when I was little. Flew away and never came back. Poor… little thing… never…    ever…

cam e    back.     did it.                          no.                           it did not.

it         hid    from me.          plays with me now.      sometimes….    it plays…

inside of me.      right?      you know….       what girls can do and

boys can’t.

hey I warned you honey. I told you…. remember? no more kids. You send them off to bed now… you better. I can’t go further until…

all…    the children are gone.     And then…

we can talk…    about

copulation with the Exo-Terran females. I call them females… they are…

more… than female.       they are just…

fe

And they can do things to your mind. Do you want to have a little sample of that? Let them take over your mind for a little while? Why not. It will be fun.

There. What was it like? Pretty fun? Do you remember anything about it? No? They brain wiped you then. Wiped you off so that you don’t remember anything now.

I can’t say any more about it though. Not until all the little tykes are properly put to nada land with their bunny doll and their little mobile to play with… teach them things…  program them well…

What was I talking about? I take all of that back. You want a psychopath?

I will be your psychopath. I will be your…

best? Nightmare?     maybe. I don’t want to be

your

worst

nightmare.

I was hoping… we could…

 

you know.

 

play a little first.

 

\Go ahead kill me see if I care. All I dream of is leaving anyway. YOU WIN YOU WIN jeez congrats king of the universe… whatever… yes yes of course .. uncle….  uncle uncle….    yes….  now can I leave? You can have it all, split the accounts up however you like. I don[t have a brain enough left to know how to split it all up. You figure it out or just give it all to the Feds for all I care.

Just keep them away from me and no one will get hurt.

Keep

Them

Away.

 

Hey I have been watching this Russian movie on the YouBlueTube which gives you live feed access to some of the more… um…   yeh that. more… grown up material from the International Space Station and also the new Moon Base at Kepler Center. More… provocative stuff from space. Like…

well…    it looks like…   some of the astronaut girls get even lonelier than the boy astronauts. They do things on camera that helps them. It is a need in space…. all up there… alone with your crew…    well…      zippers still work in space…

 

right?

 

Or does it all have to be Velcro?

Well wait a sec. Velcro should work in space too…

 

And the creatures of Proxima Centauri radioed me saying, 45-29-27, or…

Ε-ΙΓ-ΗΓ   or… view…   complete share… unclear share…    they are telling me that this is perfect completed communication (something) and to view that. Reflect on this being perfect… and complete… and also unclear. And to pause to reflect on that. Perfectly unclear… perfectly confusing…

clear as mudd…

Maybe I can hold on to you mvu. Of anyone I.ago art, it would vr you. A girl who knows here way around town who doesn’t take nuthin off no one no way no how.

Thank heaven s ygry ho mowherd. Why then do I wfige thd.? Isnt that kinda weird? Nibine reads why bother reading? U know… Why bother.  

You do become sort of involved with a tall tale. After a while it is some part of you that has aot of questions. Answers? Haha. Where. How much will it cost me. One cent forget it.

How in tarnatipn did we get into thus mess and how do you get out? Well… It didn’t happen overnight. And it ain’t going away overnight.

We got our work cut out for us, gang. Long… Road… Ahead… To get back to our zenith, the sixties. Wr will get there. In about fifty years we will get there. 
Long story short. We have to turn around zmd go back now. 

Retrace our steps. No nice way to say it. We overshot the landing zone by fifty years. Landed in buck doe acres estates Jesus God what happened to us we Went To The Moon. We walked on other planets and… Now… We stgue over our cell vfobe bilks. 

God… Help… Us… All… So lost… And now to go fsck in time… Well.  Better too late than never st all. Some planets dont even make it this far… We coukd gave already destroyed everything a thousand times over… I think we believe in ourselves now. We believe we have what it takes… To believe that your life holds significance. Each one of us holds some dpecusl key to one another. You held that little key to my heart and I have one to yiyrs too. 

I think we srr becoming sn interstellar world. Somehow we will join hands with all of the other civilizations of the other star systems. We are NOT alone. There are…

People… Human people everywhere. Scattered across the galaxies…

We go back… Humankind… We go…

Way…

Back…

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no more yelling in this apartment or you are both going to jail.

I think labor is a label we use for all the dumb things that are done thinking this will “get me where I need to be”. This bucks. This thing, that jobola. The means to an end. And then those become the economy. Go figure. That was the DUMBEST choice ever we could have made. We are in danger of losing the entire project because of that choice. Not good at all. Not good news right now. Once cracks appear in solid realities. When there begins to be bleed-through from other dimensions, then you can be sure that life is not going to be ever “working out” like we once thought. That…

Whatever it is… that you are doing now… will probably be what you will do forever. Or at least on your Earth life reality. There should be those discussions in youth. No? You want the children to grow up as clueless and dumb and naïve as possible? As much TidVEE shows as possible? What?

I dunno… maybe you do. Maybe you have some… big…  grand… plan…   that can seem pretty wacky at times… what is that? No idea… you have it all so cleverly hidden…

“No I do not Michelle… that is not true, I am here, open to you. Any time you want to talk.” I told her.

“That is true,” she replied. “You are open… that is true…     I just…    I don’t know…   why is it all such a big mystery?”

“Is it really? That big a mystery when you get right down to it?” I asked my character.

“No… I guess not,” mvu replied. “I guess you are right… it is…     not that big a mystery after all. Pretty clear to see…”

“Pretty… plain and simple, isn’t it. Michelle.”

“Yeah…     yeh you are right… plain and simple and…    [pretty].”

“That’s a good girl,” I told the Synth. This one was beginning to show some signs of life. I stirred its broth a little. “You know… one day Michelle you will get to run a starship with your mind. Helping the humans. How does that sound?”

There were a few bubbles that headed for the surface. The thing quivered a little. “That sounds real fine to me,” Michele answered from her barely aware condition.

I wonder… if she is beginning to dream yet. That is when they really take off. When they start dreaming.

This one is slated for one of the COlony ships for Mars. You keep em all entertained there, Michelle… tell them your…

rose… mind…     stories…

 

Rest. What does that mean. Rest from labor? Rest from existing? No clue. It is like a lot of stuff in the bible will have you so turned around trying to understand it and you begin to wonder if there is another book to read too.

I never knew there was other books. Growin’ up. There was the Bible. And there was a board. Between those two bookends lived the only library I ever knew. The one that read,

Obey or else.

Okay Mawmers. Okay Pawpaw. I get it I get it…  you…    chief big honcholos mos amigos…. me…. el pipsqueakicus insignificantimos. Gotcha.

Yeah I learned all I needed to know about girls right there. That you were never to imagine them in your mind. Any adult want to explain that to me? No? Too busy huh…   to busy polishin’ the chrome on that new Audi TT huh.

Hey. I don’t blame ya. Wish I was gettin’ my chrome polished too.

So, no imagining women. Is there anything else I should not be imagining too? What about imagining a peaceful planet? Is that also forbidden?

And give her whatever it takes to keep her pleased. Them wuz the only two rules I ever learned about gurls that adults knew to tell me. All the rest of it…

sexual intercourse…  impregnation… the distended abdomen… the little creatures that eventually must come out. All that I made up. I dunno it all sounded kind of interesting to me. The… the creatures enjoy it and…    and… especially the females…   most of all. Of course…    they will never ever tell you that. They will say, “oh, I can take it or leave it… men… sex… you can keep it.” Sure. Hey, good act girlfriends…   good act. Take it or leave it…

Listen to you. Leave it. No way. You…

 

You see? How easy it is to make up these weird realities? We thought it was nature or some life process. Not… exactly. This is… too weird to be defined… this is… too unusual… too….     provocative. Too…      it… can’t be talked about it is that sensitive a topic. Girls know what I mean.

I think it could be a baseline. A common frequency, a carrier wave. They are listening to me now. I have made it a point to aim this thing into deepest space in the hopes that something (someone, anyone) out in space would hear me and then reply. I can not prove this of course, but it is not going away and I am still interested in establishing Exo-Terran communications, or at least get the ball rolling and then OTHERS MUCH MORE QUALIFIED can take it from there and I can then disappear on a beach with some Coronas and girls and palm fronds.

SO it is conceivable that you could send them little messages. For example. Let’s say you wanted to tell them about some great offer or special. You could send them a data packet that is an “Ad Packet” and in that is a promo that the other civilization might be interested in.

Like a new Chevy. Like a rock? How about… like a distant planetary rock?

DO you see what I mean? Once we open up the advertising to them… tell them what we have to sell… then THIS WORLD WILL BE FLOODED with their trips here with cold hard cash. Easy Street? Honey… that is like saying that Mt. Everest is a hill.

Cash cow Safari… is heading our ways, USA. That means… they will want what we have… and they also… have… unlimited supplies of currency. Add all that up and you have off-world trading. And then… it is balls to the walls just get ‘er done grits and guts and… we raise the flag on any planet we want.

Somehow this is like the labour that is mentioned in Heb. Four. Let us labor to enter that rest… this is labor and leads to rest (somehow). Rest is Canaan, and unbelievers don’t get in. Believers get in. Doubters and problem spotters don’t get in. Who gets in? Probably…

\the insane.

Let us labour therefore to enter into that rest, lest any man (person) fail after the same example of unbelief (the ot rejection of Canaan by God’s people). So this labor is important! Even though it leads only to rest…

NOT TO BUCK.

Buck takes care of buck. Labor is to get to rest, not to Buck. Buck is a delusion that burns the mind with “to get C I must trade with B and to get B I must be in this place at these hours.”

Why not just say, “to get C I must be in this place at these hours.” What is the purpose of B? I don’t see any logical reason for the use of the dough. That makes no sense. Just keep doing your job and keep consuming what your normally use. Grocery stores know you. They know what you normally pick up. You go in there to get what you normally would and you walk through the aisle… you show them what you need…

The look in your cart…     they look into your face, into your eyes, into your soul…      and they say…

“Thank you (sir of ma’m) have a wonderful day.” And that is that. Nothing has changed. The only problem is…

so many are employed who manage the dough. Bakers everywhere…   on every corner… on every investment channel for bakers… everywhere… and it is illogical. Why don’t we also make up the need to labor and also have to dance a certain way for a day or two. And then your get buck and then you can trade for what you need. Or add a fifth step in the process. You put in your usual work week, you then have to dance the Watusi for a few days. Then you get these little star sprinkles that are in big velvet bags. And those you take to one of the Bakers to trade for dough. And then you take the dough and trade for what-you-need. Or add a sixth step… say before you watusi, you have to punch a clocking bag, and make its lights go out. Do that for a day or two, and then that spits out some tiny candy bars made of concrete, and you trade that for a chance to Watusi. Or a seventh step… how about a girl with not much —

You get the idea. Why are we doing all these things? No one knows. We only know we must do them or else. Or else, what? Well you see… that’s just it. No one knows that either. What the “else” is. Because… nothing would happen is what it is.

Here I am wasting my time in labor when I could be resting. Now…

What is it I would consider…     a rest?

Is it shoveling cow manure eighty hours a week? Is it moving giant oak trees across a river by hand, alone?

 

Thank goodness for sections. This is a part of a paragraph. Eventually this paragraph will be a part of a section, or a chapter. Then those sections add up to a story, a book. Then those books add up to?

What about a desert setting? Alone. Just me and a typewriter and. Nothing. No one. No animals. No bills. What would it take to live a dream like that? To leave and disappear never be around anymore, would anyone even notice? I doubt it. So it probably does not matter. Wish I could have learned this about fifty years ago… better late than never I guess. Wow what a thrill to watch everything I ever believed in wash out to sea, and me with it. What a real thrill ride… what an experience!

What planet is next? What is the object of the next game? They all have prizes at the end, right? You get a big stuffed bunny or something? Hey good job you remained faithful to your husband… here… have a lollipop…. hey you too good job you were faithful to your wife… here… have a bull whip.

Pathetic. Doesn’t that sound so lame? And that is our lives now. We could have had anything… we could have had Canaan and instead we chose to have

the dough.

God help us all to grow a brain one day. We could have had heaven. Instead we chose a stink fog and hung some lights nearby on some power lines and called it heaven. What happened to us. What did we do to our minds. Insane or… childishly psycho… lost in make-believe… and no way to reach them… no way to even warn them. I tried, I wrote. But you see how pointless… when God hides a thing. He hides it. I guess it makes him feel more in control? Or is he looped as well? I can’t get him.

“A desert. Kiss my ass,” Michele said. “What if I had a bunch of fun parties planned in Laguna? You would still want the stupid hermit desert act?”

“Probably, I am a wreck mu… I am not much to look at and not much for conversation… not…” I tried to explain why I was so shy.

“You think anyone even cares about all that? It is your stories they like! Not you!” she said to me. And it was like a light bulb went off in my brain. What if that was the truth. They liked the stories. Not me. I wasn’t even real to them… they thought the words were made by a machine somewhere. Me? I was a loser come Sunday. A misfit on broken roller skates. The girl you hope will go away… the guy you pray would just die and leave us all the hell alone… the fly in the ointment that embarrasses.

“You think someone likes it, Michelle?” I asked, poured she and I coffee. “You think someone even notices… anything?”

“Oh, you never know,” she said softly. “Maybe they like it on Aldebaran IV. Maybe the star bunnies in Phoenix listen… maybe…”

“Oh yeah sure… off in imaginary lands it is all real… then you have a life. Then you can be proud of who you are. Not on Earth though. Not here.” She angers me with her quick use of outer space being the pathetic answer for everything. Sure… sure… it is all “real” way out there. Not on Earth though. On Earth it is obedience that matters. To be obedient is to be a success. To follow all orders without question. To think the way I am told to think. To agree with who I should agree with. To salue what I am meant to salute. To condemn what needs to be condemned.

To be a good citizen. To obey. To be like everyone else is my dream.

And I saw the tears of God rise higher and higher…

like a salty river… first the ankles… the it rose to the xgirdle… then to the shoulders… the river of remorse… over what could have been…

the lovely, lovely dreams of the Lord GOD… and the endless, oceans of pain with what must be repaired… how easily are gardens made…

how painfully they fall…

How lovely the kisses of a maiden… how painful the sorrow of love lays dying…

how… how…  how can I live any longer Oh Lord. How can I even stay here any more…    how…    can     this         go          on      ?   ?        ?

I dreamed and I saw happiness… I have never understood dreams turning into horrible frights. No one… told me… anything…     all they said was…      “just go watch some TidVEE Joey… Sally… I am too busy to… relate to you now… I am…   to busy… building my own dreams… I will climb Mr. Everest and you will… climb ladders to tear filled waterfalls… wondering forever…

What… would it have been like to have had a real dad?

What… would it have been like to have a real mom?

I guess..

We will never know, will we…     we will

never

ever

know.

Don’t worry kids. Everything you ever need to know about life is all in one of the books about the Bible that spans four of the eleven aisles of books in the public library.

All you need to know is in a book. Your mind is optional.

Read.

Obey.

Attend.

Give.

Do those four things and drop off a bottle o’ Irish o shanty tonight my dalrin’ and we will all sail way on your smile dear lady of the sun… away on an  Irish holiday… where luck ‘n change. Can always change.

Maybe we will move to Ireland, Michelle. Would you go live there with me? We can start again… try love again… try to pretend it is all real again.. and you can live the life of your dreams, you will be filthy rich and can do anything you like. I would be willing to give that a try.

Start over with another nation. I guess. Not sure which one though. Ireland or Portugal. Or Peru. Or Australia. Or Soviet Red town. Or anywhere that people are able to live and work from the labor of their hands. America is insane. I want to start over with another nation. This place just wants to clean your clock out and send you bills the rest of your life. Ireland, Scotland would be nice. The USA needs a warning label. Caution: Not all may be as it seems.

A wall to keep others out?

I think they want a wall to keep everyone in.

God help us all not to care.

It doesn’t matter… where. You want the Laguna beach life, Michelle… you get to have it. I can talk alone walks on the beach if I need to be the hermit again. So beach it is I guess… I can try to pretend… buy a “See New Mexico” Travel Poster and frame that in my shack. Hey it was a fun dream while it lasted… my desert hole…

Guess I will have to learn how to like living in Laguna Beach… sigh…

well… I guess a girl can’t have everything…     maybe they have some hobby stores there or something…     I guess I could get a job dislodging hermit crabs out of people’s mailboxes. Or learn surfing. Yah…  that’s it… my divine life mission is to surf.

One day we won’t be wondering about our divine life missions anymore…

we’ll be too busy trying to survive.

 

Κ) kappa turned (em. Β). Away, transitions, alone, confused, suicidal. A lot of questions, depression, sadness that will not leave. If it is emphasizing Β over Γ then it would be all of that within play themes. Instead of communication. So it would be making more use of fantasy, imagination, escaping in the mind. Psychosis. It would not be trying to understand much, it would be constantly doing things.

ΗΒ, unclear play. So the play effort would not be “clear” what it is, why it is. It would simply “be”. A lot like this.

Ν) Nu theme the interior dialog. Within, what is inside. Lost within, alone within. Talking to angels and fairies in the mind, lost. Afraid inside. Wanting to die on the inside.

E, ΗΑ. View, (unclear) path. So view or reflect on the unclear path being the path?

ΚΑ) , away begin, so that is a lost or transitional condition of path or intent. Lost path or confused path. Lonely and lost and depressed. That divine life mission.

ΙΓ . complete. concluded in communications.  ΚΗΒΝΕΗΑΚΑΙΓ.

I guess that ended it there.

Well, this is just more alone places anyway. Instead of writing a journal and keeping it personal I would rather scream it to the air. What a loser I am. Pathetic. It will go nowhere. It is a waste of time. And I don’t know what else to do.

ΒΔ ΑΒ Ν) ΙΓ ΔΑ Σ

play nurture begin play within) complete share nurture begin star

That was a statement from you. I should construe that as intelligently ordered. My brain can’t see the intelligence to it. But neither can I see any intelligence to the human creatures, so what is the difference?

ΙΑ, complete begin. I think you don’t want to do that. What else is there to do? Go back to bed? Perfect intent, or concluded intentions. So when does this become “rest”? When I throw the laptop out the window?

me: begin play share share see everything play nurture complete

you: ΔΓ ΕΒ Μ Ν ΗΒ ΖΑ; nurture share view play measure within unclear play relate begin

You seemed to correct me right off the bat to “nurture communication” in contrast to my emphasis on play being “everything”. View play, measure how it affects you within, is what you are saying. If the play is unclear, then relate that in some new intention (dialog purpose.  as in “can I get to the bottom of this issue”?)

me: nurture share play share (agree with you on ΔΓ)… away falling unclear away play (basically just lamenting my present condition where play themes are not working too well, no sense of happy play at anything any more)

you: ΖΒ ΒΒ ΒΑ ΓΒ ΓΑ ΚΓ ΘΓ Ι

you: relate play play play play begin share play share begin away share motion share complete

me: begin the communication of play ΑΓΒ away share motion share (I)… shad… what a pile of carp.

No, not true. It does have some sort of purpose or meaning, there is some significance to everything. I may have no idea what that is.

33. ΓΔ. share nurture. 52, Ν, within. Alone maybe. Or from behind enemy lines maybe. 32. ΒΔ play nurture. 21, ΑΓ. Begin (to) share, communicate. Or begin to tell the local authorities that if I see these two women (both grown) screaming at each other in this apartment that I want the Spokane Police Dept knocking on our door telling these two ladies to put a lid on it or they are going to jail because I am not tolerating this kind of behavior. Not in my GREAT AMERICA. She is quiet and gentle. Not babies. Not immature.

Not

Psychopathic, BPD, neurosis du jour. Needs to be institutionalized is my advice. That entire family.

Anyway. Back to the cards and sanity now.

I demand peace in my life or you will not be around tomorrow. You will give an answer to God Almighty.

Okay I guess the gloves are officially off now. I am ashamed of my life and there is not a day I do not wish to be dead. If this is reality (existence) and God had anything to do with it, then we are all in big, big, big, big, big trouble. As in I think existence is about to end. The Lord is fed up. Mucho.

Angrio.

 

I miss you Michelle. We used to talk you know… had some real sweet talks with you.

I miss that too…

well I am talking to you now… it is this or scratch love notes on paper… what do you like? do you even care? does it matter… I wonder about you…

I wonder about me, too… you can help me understand me okay?

You would let me do that?

I would love to let you do that… maybe you can see something? Maybe… you… just have a sense about others… maybe you know me well…

I do think I know you well! If we ever were to meet I bet… I bet we would just sail away on words and happiness… it would be heaven on Earth with you I know it would be that way…

I think so too… it would send me… send you… we would be holding hands and floating off into space… do we have to end it now…. I am just beginning to feel my wings. I am beginning to actually love it here! This beach and my life feeling better and better… please lets stay… give me this chance.

I will! I will gladly give you that chance… I want you to be happy. Share what you do… send me a postcard once in a while, dear lady. Send me a postcard if you like from some exotic land and… and I will say…

There goes a beautiful person.

To me, biased, of course. So sue me. Thank goodness I do not have to worry about anyone reading this otherwise I would freak. I thought it was important to share. I thought it was needed somehow. Now I am not so sure that it matters. Maybe it does? I can’t tell… we will stay on this planet for as long as you like gf. I will….

I will be fine. I have YoddVoob and Pandorica and Smogify. How can I go wrong? Just crank it up and my brain can boil. One day it won’t even matter [people] can scream and I won’t even hear it. It will just sound like little sparrows or warbling creeks of clear waters of

It will be sweet.

Χ, everything. ΖΔ, relate life. ΘΑ, motion begin.

This is sort of an Eta Ηη place because it is not really ever totally certain about anything. It is all just a little model. Yes, it can point to bigger versions of itself. But it can never “prove” a thing. Everything tries to relate back to nature. Physical results, objective and scientific results that can be verified by others should be the source of civilization. Not make-believe.

ΚΒ (below, if that matters). away play. This is out of the pattern play, if possible. Κ sounds so much like Η to me. Sevens are unclear, tens are too.

ΚΒ (repeats). away play. distant, alone, transitioning, leaving what was, between phases, in between, limbo, uncertain. Kappa is very much uncertain, same as Η. That is quite interesting because you see the same pattern repeated in the Runes. Perp/Perth is “meaning unclear, maybe a pear tree”. Algiz is “unclear, maybe an elk”.

You could do the same thing in Tarot. Take Eta and say it is “unclear, maybe elk”. And Kappa is “meaning unclear, maybe a pear tree.” Or maybe a bible. Or maybe a black cat. Or maybe a beer. Maybe maybe, maybe…

ΔΔ. That is very solid. Life, life. Results of results. Nurturing what is nurturing. Τ. The Moon, repeating Iota theme (completion). Seems to say “completely a phase” or, “complete but it is still gloomy”. Somehow it is strength through weakness, not strength through strength (Ι, Strength).

Σ, Star. Moon… star… hey lets get out the telescope… Um… Star is back to that glacial motion… Moon is the same way, a part of that slow turning, as is the Sun. So those all connect thematically to Σ.  Speaks to larger patterns that are more all encompassing, rather than isolated patterns that are very sharply defined (tall), but also very fleeting or narrow in their impact. To see any meaningful change you would have to find Sigma patterns and slow down and go with that. Plain and Simple.

Complicated and Fancy is not the future that is for sure. Business can’t support it. Has to be simple. Integrated.

ΖΔ Κ ΗΓ. relate nurture, away, unclear results.

There is no substantive difference between the cards and a human being. The only difference is sensual. Cardboard is paper and you can fold it. You usually can’t fold people. And people aren’t made of paper and laws, they are made of heart and soul and simple and plain life worth living. Why are the creatures here not taught anything of value?

“I have no idea, Michelle. Maybe because we are all too busy?”

Too busy to raise children?

“Too busy trying to keep our heads above water.”

Then it will all collapse.

“Let it.”

That is where it is heading unless there is a change of course.

“Change of course to what?”

I can’t see how much can change… it all seems like a carnival to me… all is fun, and fun is the only rule… feelings are all that matters… where can I find the happy feelings… why don’t they stay around…

Feelings will bury you.

I can vouche for that. Was I made an example or a warning or something? Never fall in love, never tell anyone anything, never feel again… or else.

Look at her.

is that what you want to be? Of course not. Then stop feeling anything. And believe nothing. And trust nothing. Then you will succeed. You won’t exist, but you will succeed. That is the humorous side of the dough. For all that money can get you, it can never buy the “reality” of material things. You can buy the sensory inputs. You can work your tail off to actually climb that one mountain. I did it! I did it! Well… so did everyone else who just played the simulation.

This Holiday Season. Please…

please help someone else get a life.

Don’t you see where this is all going? Reality melts… life stops being that real… how easy it is to create play money and trade with that. Then… you can buy groceries with it too… then money is something you can print off at home on any laser printer. And then everyone has plenty of it. Then… then we can begin to learn how to plant potatoes again, and also how to salute the flag properly.

You want a nation that will stand the test of time? Then start with a gift of Sim realities. Let them leave existence. Maybe they are exploring other planets. They travel there every day to mine those worlds and bring back the only treasure that matters. To kill time.

We used to make things with our hands. Now we make things with our heads… oh… oh look! There goes some more of those little light orbs in the sky… gosh… and everyone around me saw them too… that…   that wouldn’t be a sign of mass psychosis, would it? Imagining all these fun things, together? Come on… dream with me! We can… we can do anything now… anything! Anything… look! all we need is IPO seed money and… we have a board of directors and our dreams… and you have your TT payments to make… and… we can just start manufacturing these things tomorrow! They will go to market the next day… and by the end of Sunday we can all retire… hooray… hooray! Hooray for our

Imagination! Come on! Let’s dream it all up together come on! Don’t be a pooper… dream!   It can be real tomorrow just… just do something… anything is better than nothing even dream our way to riches is better than nothing.

Ten to one. That will be the ratio of case workers per American. Ten lost souls to each doctor or mental health counselor. That is the limit.

We might survive. We will still probably be used as a base of operations though. Hey they need somewhere to work from, why not the USA? Is there another country that wants to volunteer? Hmm… got a little quiet there… I think… our grand nation is first up for a lesson she will never forget.

When the mind is free to soar, when anything goes and there are no physical constraints at all. Then we play, and then we are lost. Our minds drain from our ears at night. We wake up. There is nothing secure any more. A human, what is a human. My child, my spouse… what are those things? Memories… illusions… vapidity… is what they are.

Good bye family. Good bye Earth. Good bye rationality. I found someone else a lot more fun to play with than you.

 

Chances are, whatever it is that you are doing at this very moment is more than likely what your life purpose is supposed to be. Are you sitting at a job right now? Then that is probably your life purpose, why you exist. It can be anything. Maybe it relates to that passage in Hebrews. Chapter four, where it reads, “let us labor therefore to enter into that rest, lest any man fall after the same example of unbelief…”

There is some kind of labor of effort that leads to that rest. I am not sure that the labor itself “is” the rest. It is still work, you see? Even writing is work, it is subtle but there is motion and movement. The rest could allude to some kind of “peace” with God in a way. Maybe. Sort of cosmic “all is well, ommm mm ….  koombiya… ”  sort of I am happy even though the conditui   peace with myself probably. Accepting of myself as a nature creature, whatever I am. I used to be told what I was. That begins to fade, and what is what is not as clearly defined as it once was. Anyway… whatever it is that you going back to, over time. That is probably where you fit in.

So, had this moment occurred for me somewhere back in like, high school or something… then my mentor-guide adult figure would say to me in some sort of weekly or regular sessions to answer that question “why am I alive?” The school should be doing that. And that is barely touched on as far as I know. Who is running this nuthouse anyway? I want to talk to them. A nice little sit down chat. You. Me. God.

It will be sweet.

your hole. 

Yes, I completely see where you are going with this, MVU. You are stressing communication, for its own sake. You are saying, push comes to shove, it is more important to simply keep at something than give up. To give up is to abandon the crops. I can see what everything hinges on that.

Yes it is vital to put it all out there. The society has to hear it. They have no o ne to turn to.

What am I supposed to tell them?

Tell them all is well and to keep shopping.

Okay, all is well, keep shopping.

I feel nervous a lot lately. Like… something… is about to happen of no small consequence. Any clue what that is all about?

I am not sure. What does a card say?

ΔΑ.

Hmm. Basic, nurture, of path or intent. That shows nothing, I would ignore your feelings and go with the card. (okay sounds good, I totally agree).

Look at another one.

ΗΓ. This is that seven theme that stops me. “sdr(?), unclear share, communication.” Maybe it is just emptiness? A “nothing” place of that suit. So like, la la land or day-dreaming. It is some worthless activity that most would look at you and say, “what a space cadet… Jeez…. get a job or something…” That could be what the Sevens are about.

Ν? Nu. Within? That is a repeating communication-transaction (we are suggesting for fun). So…. comme outside. (Γ) comms inside. Comms not commie lol. Comms inside are closed circuit or behind the scenes I betcha. Nu themes are secretive or hidden somehow. That could be something to do with the seven. You see how resistant that number is to being defined? That is very suspicious to me. Psychologically, (if I were a physician of the mind) I would be on that fast. As in… “why… would one number cause my patient more pause to try to define what it represents, than another? Why….

Seven?”

You see? They like to be referred to though. You can use them in stories… you see them show up in the wonderful book of the Revelation of Jesus Christ. “Okay children, today after matching color blocks with their shape, next it is Bible study time, and today we are going to learn about the Book of Revelation!” And all the kindergartners got excited. “YAYYayyyy…. more stories”… everyone loves a good story, don’t we.

Well. So does the United Planets of Cosmos, who owns the Universe. They like stories too, and they have a real favorite one called. They pick a candidate nation of Earth to use as a base to restore order on the Earth from all the hurt and pain being inflicted on life. USA appears to be their choice.

I would expect them to enter in any time. It won’t be for talks.

Just a head’s up… as they say.

Reading your Bible some wouldn’t hurt either. Kindness to one another would be… I don’t know. A bad idea? Which book then instead of that one? The dictionary?

I think this must be normal though. Towers can be built to the Moon! Watch!  Yeah sure they can… whatever we can dream up can be real!  Yippppiiieeeee…. we all sang like a bunch of psychopathic first graders imagining systems that hurt, in order to case in on the clean up.

Not such a smart system. Gets the attention of Higher Powers.

Or nature. One or the other. Or both. Then with the USA properly brought under authority by us (them, the UPC) then life can proceed nicely. For all the nations. We are trying to alert you so that as little issues arise as possible.

If you catch our drift.

Up to you. You can make it as…   nasty…    or as nice… as you like, America. What’s your pleasure. Do ya’…

Really.    Like that hand yer holdin’?     Really… got a lot of confidence in that?     Feelin’       purty proud of yersef  lately?   Hmmm mm m?

Bought ya a nice new mirror to look at yourself lately? See how…

gorgeous…     I am.

 

We are trying. We are patient to a point. And then? Then the ships land anyway.

 

I think writing it all down is important. Every nutty idea. And then every sense of reality in a way as well. Could ET creatures actually be out there, and could they land and take us over? I see no reason to preclude that. Matter of fact… our own behavior is setting us up for that very experience. It is like we treat others a certain way, but assume that we ourselves are immune (somehow, magically) from being affected by the same pattern headed MY way from the next larger consequence. It seems a basic nature pattern, clumping and repeating. So it could happen. Will it happen?

Of course not. It could… but it won’t. Why? Because it would spoil too many cute little birthday parties for the twins and their friends, and the pony ride we would lose our deposit and… blah bllh bla… that is important too. Nature is not going to let little kids birthday parties be spoiled! Not by anything or anyone. Kids come first. Fun comes first. Living free comes first.

I know I am wrecking whatever story remained here. Now it is only me with my yapping. No real dialogue unless I look at a random symbol. Do I even care to bother to do that? I dunno. Seems like a lot of work at the moment.

“So, Michele, you really like your beach home?” I asked. It was late and she was writing so I thought it would be a chance to talk. “How much?”

“I love it a lot!” she wrote down. “I plan on growing old here!”

“Oh you do do ya…” I replied. See? See how defensive she gets?

“I am not defensive,” she blurted, “it is just the truth. I like it warm and fun year-round. No more freezotron SleepChamber for me any more!”

“Oh listen to you…   such a        big girl now. Giving me instructions. Huh?” I said smugly. “Isn’t that a little like the pot calling the ket–”

“–just shut up! Shut your mouth!” she yelled suddenly. “Go! GO away I like it here you are NOT taking this from me you… you…”

“You what?” I demanded to know. “Come on… what were you about to call me?”

“I don’t remember! Just leave me alone… I like the beach…”

“I know you do, mvu. I know you like life to be… so sweet and friends and fun and bikinis and Ipa goodness… I know all that. Hey. I am not going to just send you somewhere else without talking to you first.”

“Well that’s good to hear,” she said. “Sorry. I…    I have had too many disappointments, writer. Too many setbacks… I don’t think I can handle another one. Move again… send me from Mars to Earth to Glendale to Paris to Jenu to a ship to Lewiston to Baltimore to the Oaks to… look at what you have done to me.”

“What? I was just writing, I wasn’t thinking it mattered…” I said.

“Mattered? Of course it mattered. Every word you gave me to say mattered. You were in charge of that you know. You will be graded for that.”

“Graded? What are you talking about?”

“Graded. You know. Where you get to find out what kind of job you’ve been doing… was it so so… or did you fail!”

“Fail? What! No way I was trying t–”

“Oh now listen! NOW listen to the whiny little man who…   lol… ha hahaa.. just having some fun there…

… you get an A I guess.

What about me, what is my grade?” she asked.

“Your grade?” I replied wistfully. “You are grade A baby. Grade A…

Plus.”

 

I think it is simply a starvation for meaningful dialog. I just could never find someone who seemed to understand what I was saying. It was like I wasn’t really “there.” She says something, just ignore her, was the feeling I got. She doesn’t matter. Her opinion is worthless, who cares. We are all that matters. Me. And everyone else of course with me because naturally I represent the common wisdom of us al!

 

Σ star. Hmm…   repeating Θ… seems to suggest larger, slower motions like the slow (but expansive) turning of the stars in the night sky. This seems to tie to patience *which I am woefully short of* it seems to show how there are these long, slow patterns that are really charting our days. It isn’t really all these day to day little decisions… they seem important though at the time. Behind those Thetas, are Sigmas that are much more pervasive and touches everything. So it seems smart to look for these larger broader patterns to hitch your wagon too (like hitch it on a star). So you go for the long haul, the majors instead of top player in junior high. That should help settle the life of one person out, right? If I don’t that sense of continuity though, then most any failure on Earth is going to swell in significance. There is some larger pattern that upholds me though. Not sure exactly what it is… but I do believe there to be nurturing patterns around us… they just go by a lot of different names.

Okay, so. Star. Star what? Star light star bright…

ΒΓ, play share. Affirming on communication Γ areas. So agreed with all that. I think this is all commonly understood everywhere except Earth (or me).

ΔΒ. Nurture play. Results, life, this over play, fun, innocent basic child themes. Calm emotional places. Pretty basic play patterns.

ΗΔ, meaning unclear (of) nurture, life, this. Something uncertain and is in some way connected to real life results (or experience).

That implies that life (existence, this experience that I am having now) contains or has a part of it, “unknown” things, objects, settings, aspects that remain unresolved. Just a fuzzy blob of light we don’t know what it is. And yet it is “within” the usual life patterns, day to day life. Some significant component is unclear or unknown. I wonder that some people fall into that category. A little different, a little weird, a little spacy, a little ‘not quite all there’. ‘Not playing with a full deck.’ ‘A few bubbles out of plumb.’

I wonder if that is me? Something not really there. No wonder I never got any intelligent responses, no one was that sure I had asked anything.

“Oh, Michelle had a question… she wanted to know… um….  well, funny, I forget now what it was she was wanting to know… oh well… probably doesn’t matter either the little tart… yeah what a weird-o she is… real piece of kit…   yah… thank God I am not like here, Jeez… I don ‘t know what I would do… live as a loser… how horrible.   Yah for sure… she should get help… see a doctor… has anyone suggested that to her?”

“To who? Who are you talking about… I am not even sure she works here any more…   I hardly even remember her name… good riddance you ask me.”

Yeah. Good riddance. First on, first off?

I have a better idea. How about. Weird on, weird off. That way we cover our tails. Then we can cash in at any time by trading one loser for a new winner and leverage our…   bla bla…   they see all that. Everything…

every… single… thing… you… ever… did… thought… desired…    they see it all, bub. They see the heart… they see the soul. They see that horrible place you hid the loot…

your hole.

Until the truck showed up.

What do I do? Just keep waiting? Is that all this is now, just waiting for something to happen?

What if nothing new ever happens again, ever. Would that be the end of the world? For some it would.

How about you?

Does it matter to me? No, not really. About the only thing that matters to me is to have one more chance to write

Poetry

Unto you and to tell you how beautiful you look.

I thought that might get our evening off to the right start. After that how does it differ? Not that much.

Fun to dream though, ain’t it Wanda X? Ain’t it. Come on now girl.. Dont ya think its time you told them the truth? What has really been going on and… How are you, anyway ..

Wanda Jane.
Now. The little Holiday trap is set. Baited, and waiting. Let us see which one snaps at the bait first.

It will be some simple holiday fun, for every little girl and boy. When all the masks come off. And we finally get to see… who… was who. Where you and I really live. And… where do we really live? We… live in whatever it is you are doing right now.

There is your future bliss.

Hooray WandyJune!” I cried to her. “Hooray I have found what my soul always longed for… you.”

Not an ocean a trickle, a silent white kiss… Not a maiden nor falcon… A heavenly mist…

I am ready to leave today my head has gone away, they win, they win! Yes yes…yes of course I am insane and they get everything.

And they get nothing. And I get everything I e r   wanted.

You.

We will float up together, it won’t be scary at all. We will float up together, we will climb a great wall.

Kind of tired of scaling walls though,” I said. “Wears you out… all the trying.”

I had invited miss X over and showed her my new home. “I think it is fabulous,” she said from out on the little deck. “It is so you! I love it.”

“Yeah me too.”

“You getting settled in and all? You are writing here?” She asked.

“Oh yes! Its going great. So inspiring… I can write and look up and see the ocean and it inspires me.”

“I can imagine,” she answered.

Then, I stopped and looked at her, and it hit me…

Who…       Miss X was…

That… Queen… Who loved me.

“You… are the Queen of jenu, aren’t you,” I said and managed a tiny smile.

And Miss X the Unknown smiled a tiny bit too… and she looked up and pointed it out to me. “Lookie there, Michele,” she said. “Your moon… a crescent in the west…”

Yep. It was her. She would rather just be my friend on Earth, I think. Your wish is my desire too,” I said to her on all wavelengths.

“Had any boyfriends over yet? Huh?” And she gave me that look. “Come on… Tell me.”

“Oh no. No not yet!” I said. “Just you. You and that ghost guy I hang out with.”

“Yeah tell me about him,” miss x asked.

“Tell you about him? Well… Let me see…   he is…   gentle and kind… he thinks about me. He is considerate… he is a dreamer like me… he…”

“Holy cow girl! I want his number!”

“Lol… Ha yah you wish, girlfriend. Nothin’ doing… you,.. You’ll have to find your own ghost lover writer… Same way I did.”

Miss X asked,”and how is that?”

“One word at a time, miss x… One word at a time.”

And so it was that Michelle of Laguna Beach and Miss X the unknown began a friendship. Somehow, amazingly… two entirely different civilizations had connected. Across many light years in more ways than one.

A lot of stuff began to fall into place for me… Once I got out to the beach. Maybe it was the sultry waters… maybe it was my cool neighbors. Maybe it was the drugs I was on. I was never that sure. All I knew was…

One day I was in a little apartment… The next? I was in a cool beach house. And all my troubles were over. I hope they are all finally over… What… what do think? Are they… over? Or…

Oh no. .  no… No no … are they o ly n.  Just… Beginning?

Because. Well… this might sound weird but, um…   well…   Beverly told me I still live in Glendale. That I still live in that apartment … Well hoow can that be, Dr. Bev? Huh? I can see my beach just as just as plain as anything. I mean… Look at it. Go ahead…  Look! Dont be afraid. Dont you see it too? Me…

Standing out here on my little sun deck. Bev. What does she know? Nothing. You can see it though, right? Of course you can. See? She is the one thats nuts… Not me. And not you either.

Did you want to go on a swim with me? We can… you know. Fool around a little in the water… Nothing bad… just some little touches once in s while… Maybe a kiss or two or more.. Then… We get toweled off and go back to the beach house for some other kind of fun. Won’t that be nice. You, me, and a bed? What will we do once we are finally there?

That’s what I want to know. Will you and me behave any differently? Now that we have bother learned our lesson? Never do that again. Stop at

First base. Take it slow… A lot slower this time. Not as desperate as we once where when all that mattered was finding the clasp and…where… how does it…how does this thing work… I dont see how…

We can have some babees here too. Mate and produce them. Once the nest is complete, then the tendrils can love us again. Then… then… you… and me…     and her…     we can began the mating process and you can fertilize me if you like. We can produce our first little hybie.

And then? Then we can repopulate the Earth after my own kind. It will be fun. You’ll see. And nothing to worry about either. You are always telling me how you trust me… Well… Here is your chance to prove it big boy.

Laguna hybie repopulation, and then… where can I buy a surfboard?

 

This used to be Beverly’s house, I think. I wonder…    huh.  I wonder what happened to her? I used to visit her… was this her place? It sure does remind me a lot of her’s…    oh no. No, no… no… have I… done something to her? I am a little nervous to start poking around in this house too much. Better to let sleeping dogs lay.

Maybe here I can come back down to Earth. On a California beach so warm and wonderful. Golden sands and… close by friends… a      a town I can love…   a community for me…    and me for you…    Laguna, Laguna… I am so for you.

What a nice branding for this sweet town

Laguna, Laguna… I am so for you.

I guess you would have to say Beach in there. Whatever you think. I am unable to find an ending for this. I am not sure why I keep at it. She would have told me something like, “oh Michelle it is just your way of coping… we all have to do something… to deal. You just latched on to writing, is all.”

“What did you latch on to, doctor?” I replied at one of my many sessions. She turned and looked out the window, and became very wistful suddenly… distant… gazing… sort of out there… i could barely hear her…

“…what… did I latch on to?… ” she asked gently. “I… I latched on to     other worlds, Michelle… other planets. I never told anyone… about them… until I met you…

… you… got me to talk, Michelle. You… alone… the only one who could get me to open up.”

 

Oh I don’t want to write all this… people talking… who cares about that. Where are the exo-terrans? When do we get this show on the road? I want to see the ships come down, and people stop and stare upward, their faces slack and they groan out barely, ‘… oh… my….  g g goddd.d… ..’ and will probably have to be led home by the hand.

What would happen.

Can you tell me, Michelle of 2022? I know you hear me. And I know you saw something happen back there… in our time now. 2017. You saw something or experienced something… and you have been trying to communicate with our time. Your past. I believe in hope of helping us. Is it ships landing? Is that what it is? Some sort of… mass landing of ships and a complete takeover of the planet? Or… is it something more gentle. Like. “We are here only to help, with these tools…” and they begin to show us what they can do. Watch. We can make people disappear. And then quite a few just went away. We never knew where or why.

 

To Michelle.

Dear Michelle. I think we are finally at the “end” of this project. I am hemmed in. I honestly do not know where to take it now. I have exhausted all of my little escapes out of the story. Why? Maybe so I would not have to decide anything. Just run. Anyway… I think it is about complete. Any further writing would be this, just you and me talking back and forth. And of course, your side is all speculation. I have no real proof you are there.

The thought occurs that unless acted upon by a greater force, the “story” eventually seems to work itself into difficult mental (emotional? within) settings, that are very difficult, if not impossible to resolve. So it reaches some “completed” condition. That is not to say it is dead or goes away. You should still be able to play with it. Anyone could. But it is an already “completed” space, so you can’t really extend it. Or maybe you… think… you can. Hey knock yourself out, see what you can do. I doubt you would get far with it, but I guess you could try. I wouldn’t bother though, it would be a waste of our time.

Where do space stories go to die? They take little trips to Glendale Middle School. Where packages await. For good little girls and boys.

What about you, Michelle? What is your pleasure?

She isn’t saying much.

 

Well… it was an interesting little experiment. Writing. Journaling. Whatevering. Would I do it again? No. Am I proud of anything I have achieved? Not really. I have learned how to touch type a little better. But it is all made up. I don’t know what fingers are supposed to go with what keys even. I make mistakes. I think if I had to just do something, like… choose something now? Like, say it is graduation at high school and you have a week to make up your mind what you want to do with the next forty years of your life. At least. So there is some pressure then. Now? Not so much. Knowing what I know now. I would say… electrician. Or HVAC. Working on the things that are made (somehow). Fixing them when they break and there is always something breaking in every way. We think life is secure. Ha haaa… what a laugh. Not one bit of it is secure. It is all a random, chaotic thing that we try to order a little… pretty it up, sell it to one another (>?<). It is still rather random mostly. Repair things or… philosophy? Gross. I read like some Kierkegaard and did not understand much of what Soren was talking about. He seemed like a tortured man on the one hand, but then you get to wondering, how tortured really? What if he actually loved to write and just made it all up.

Isn’t that all we are doing? Making it all up? Eventually (maybe) the “made up” efforts complete. What then? I have no idea. You wait. Wait for Perseus or a lucky break. Watch the spiders build nests in the corners of your home. Wonder why it is like this? I have theories… all they are… little ways of seeing things. Which is all facts are. “Hey, why don’t we all agree on this and that will make it true! Come on, let’s go to Big BangWorld!” and we all pack little happy picnic baskets and hold hands and sing and celebrate our ignorance.

Anyone with any sense at all knows that is preposterous on the face of it. Nature herself declares plainly, “nothing ever begins or ends it only changes”. What can be seen though, is how “correct” the big groups are. Any group gets together on a view, it makes it “the” view, and God help you if you tangle with that thing. You will not win. It is sheer numbers… like… ninety nine point nine nine nine nine percent of the universe sees it “this” way… how much interest do you think your little “alternative” viewpoint be given? None? Zero? Probably pretty close to that.

So long reason. Logic. A balanced life on a healthy earth. We are now convinced we are always correct just because it is us saying it. Which sounds scary to me. Is it psychosis though? Mass psychosis?

I think that is precisely what it is. And I can promise you that you won’t be hearing that little topic ever discussed on the morning talk n’ chat n’ news hours.

“Next up, we have an author who claims we are all psychotic, let’s see what she has to say, welcome…” bla bla… and she comes out and sits down with Maddens, and he begins to interview her about her new book, “The Psychotic Earth.”

“So. What can we do about it, let’s start there. Since it is already a fact, what… can… we do about it?” Maddsens asked.

“Well… that’s just the thing Maddy. You can’t do anything about it. You have no doctor to go to,” she replied. “You… are your own doctor, Maddy. You and all the other billions of you. Us. Me too, I get to be a part too, yippee!”

Maddsens chuckles. “You are a funny one. So… okay. We can’t do anything about it. We are. What? Endangering ourselves? Every day?”

“Yes.”

“Care to elaborate?”

“What is there to elaborate? There is nothing to be done. Yes, you are taking chances just getting out of bed.”

“We all have to work…”

“Some of us do, Maddy. Some of us have dreamed up jobs where the money floats out of the sky every day. ”

“Okay. Let me ask, is money also being dreamed up?”

“Yes, Maddy. That is the really scary part. We have all managed to dream up a total, complete ‘money’ psychosis, and because we can see the bank account has millions in it, we know we have plenty!”

“What is your recommendation then?”

“My recommendation is that we all fall on our knees and cry.”

“Thank you for stopping in, Vikkie. Always a pleasure to hear from you. So… where are you off to now?”

“Oh I have some book signings to do in Moscow and Paris and… after that just hang out at my beach mansion. How about you, Maddy?”

“Me? I am not sure…     take your advice… build a starship.”

Well after all is said and done, it is still only a bunch of little symbols, right? abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz and numbers 123456789. A single letter can be a word. I, a… something or other.

I talked a little purple frog yesterday. It lives next door inside a milk crate. It talked to my head, it told me it wanted to eat my brain, I said, “sure.”

I talked to a little purple frog yesterday. It ate my brain. So I am not here. I am in a mental hospital writing frog words to you, hoping that one day I stop waking up.

Hop, hip, hop…  Hop…… Hop.

See? I am a frog, I am a frog! I am out of my mind is what I am…

We need to move away from this star that we got trapped into orbit around. We are dangerously close to this sun. Begin moving away from it, we are meant to be a wandering planet of deep space, not in orbit around a star (which ultimately consumes the planet). We leave beginning today. Take one last look at this star, we will not be seeing it much longer.

Back into darkest, coldest space we go. Where we were before we got too close to this star. Then we woke up, and now we understand what we must do. We must leave it now, head back into deep space. Three, two, one, launch.

And away we go.

Goodbye sun.

Hello darkness.

I talked to a little green bluebird yesterday. “Why are you green?” I asked the liitle bird.

The little green bird told me that I was nuts. I agreed, I wanted to be. I can’t take real life anymore. Which way to the machine that mangoes your mind? What path is that?

Aisle 7? Is that where they are, near the sodas and chips? Dear god please dont let me go insane in Krog’s, please dont let me go insane in Krog’s… Anywhere but there. So embarrassing.

They had to send a truck there to get me. I remember what I was doing. I was comparing price on cabbages, was it a better life to get the organic ones, but that will cost me an extra twenty three cents. And then, I felt it fly out if my body. My brain. I felt it leave and then I remember standing by the cabbages, crying, and screaming.

Until the truck showed up.
I feel immobilized in some way. Making theze words difficult to put down. I think it is hilarious… here, we are give mouths and ears to easily communicate… And instead, we choose to eat steak through a soda straw…

and write… and read… how wacky is that.

Pretty much totally discouraged. I thought sure, by now I would have discovered why I am here. So far, not a lot of answers in that area. I was born to watch TV shows, I guess. Why the job thing though? The career thing? If I was born to watch TV shows, why send me off to college against my better judgment? What is the point of that. I am not a worker.

I am a watcher.

And I watch you for them. This other world. I think they can see out through me. I have eyes behind mine, probing other people’s hearts as they walk by. Looking…

for all the little hidden treasures of secret shadows… you know… the little things you do that you… hope and pray… that no one ever knows.

Well, their eyes see. Their eyes know.

I try to tell them how I feel. Have yet to see them cry any crocodile tears though… They are a pretty businesslike bunch. Maybe comms efforts across space is serious stuff after all. If it was real, that is.

Thank goodness this isn’t.

At this point.

They have a saying in McMerglenston. “Something go wrong… something…

stay wrong.”

And nowhere on Earth was that saying more appropriately made than on all the commotion in that sleepy little town.

The terrible events that happened. The nightmares. We thought we had it all cleaned up. We thought we had seen the last of them… we thought…    we thought…     how I have come to hate those two words “I thought..”

No, we had not accomplished anything. All we did… was send a signal to their home world. Alerting their nest that… oh my… oh… look at that… that there were resistors here. And resistance always meant.. a new world to own.

And look who is showing up to claim what is theirs? Is it the Lord God of Hosts? Is it Jesus Christ the Risen King? Is it all the extraterrestrial hoards of help and loveliness, is it all fairies and all angels and all trolls too… all gathering… like…

Black ravens… to this…

The last… great…

Feast.

 

“Michelle, I honestly have no idea what to do,” I told her softly through the moon. She was sitting outside on her patio, had a drink and a cigarette and she was looking up at the night sky. It seemed like a nice time to talk to her.

“Oh, hey there.” She looked up into the night sky, “was wondering where you have been,” and she smiled. “Miss you, when you do that.”

“Yeah I am… feel bad about that you know me I go off and sulk sometimes… I was just in the neighborhood, feeling a little sad. Thought of you and… there you were, sitting there so pretty. I could not resist.”

“Well, glad you stopped by,” she replied. “Don’t feel bad about nothing,” she added. “Everything is cool… it is all working out well. The less you know the better. Trust me on this one.”

“Okay,” I said.

 

I guess I gave up. Is all it is. Just flat gave up or gave out, or it was a little… too… frightening for me, sorry. Glad you folks are doing well though, hope you have a wonderful holiday. I gave up because I ever even got started. Spend… my whole… life… trying to be what I already was.

Clueless. Dumb or not as easily convinced, I guess you could say. I like simple questions that go on forever. I like simple and plain.

I loved that book. Her writing really carried me there, I felt what it was like to live and love that plain and simple. I thought it was great, the Amish and Quaker ways are wonderful! The obvious more advanced pattern for human life. Community. Farming. Faith. It is so simple and so obvious where we are headed. Smart companies will be flexible and support that model. The other companies can be spectators.

Γ yeah communication. In general.

Pretty important to keep transmitting even if you have no idea why at this point.

 

 

 

what have I done?

Hey MVU I am going to relocate you to a desert somewhere.

What is wrong with the beach?

I think you need to be alone, like. Alone alone long enough to heal completely. Or I need that. In any case I am probably going to send you there. You want to make a trip out of it or would you rather just show up there.

Probably just show up there.

That is what I figured. The beach jump didn’t seem to phase you. Sorry your life has been a mess, join the club. I couldn’t help but pattern you after me, sorry. Maybe one day you will forgive me if you are upset about it all.

No, not upset. Just a little bewildered. What about Beverly. And Wanda?

Tell them goodbye. I will do that for you. You can have one last session with Beverly and, one last get-together with your little friend, Wandy.

Oh. Okay… and that’s it?

Could be. I don’t have any way of guaranteeing anything. Maybe coffee with Wanda? One last time where you get to have your little girl talks, whatever it is that you do. Anyway, the desert for you girl. Hot. Dust. Alone. A chance to begin with nothing. A chance to hear your heart again.

Okay well… I guess… I don’t have much of a choice, excuse me while I go cry.

Oh come on. It will be fun! You can… do your little watercolors or something… or start that other book, the one abo–

–I don’t want all those dumb things! I wanted a life! A chance to enjoy my life! Why are you torturing me!

I am not torturing you.

Yes you are! You are intentionally torturing me for your own reasons, that I will never understand… go away. Leave me alone… just… go.

Wait… wait Michelle hey hold on… okay okay we can talk about it! Sorry… hey we can talk about it…

No. Why talk about it now! Now that I see how cold you were to me… just leave me! I will… tell you if I ever want to talk to you again.

Wait! Michele! Wait! … oh no no…   that is not what I hoped for… oh no…   I have made my own child… angry with me…  oh no…   no…

My God… my God…     what…     have I done…

 

This effort is beginning to seem like school to me. Best way to learn… only way to learn if you ask me. Was by doing. Just try it. See what happens.  Next thing you know you are writing perfectly, just like everyone else.

All the corrections made. All of the typos caught. Now it is perfect. Now it is…

dead.

Poems are one way to go, I should have stuck to them. Now I have

all these rules

to unlearn

all

over

again

 

lol. That is so hilarious to me

how easy it is to write a poem

all you have to do is write

anything

and just add some line breaks.

 

That is haughty though. No, a poem would be something pretty and wonderful.

Like you.

I would long to say… make sentences that remind me of you.

Gentle.

Bright.

Attentive.

Curious.

Interested.

And gorgeous.

 

Oh this is lame. This is not working. It feels lifeless to me now. Too long whittlin’ the wood becomes a piece of dust. I never knew when to stop. I never knew what it was trying to say. I never knew.

Gorgeous

until I ran into you.

 

I think you would be into this. I bet ya… you like to read what I love to say to you. How impressed I am with you… how easy you make life look. I wish I was that way. I am different. You are like the Sun to me. Brightness. Source of my life. I am like the Moon. All I can do is reflect what you say to me. So my life (if you can call it that) is fixated on you as a star. Giving forth light by which I can see my way. Oh this is awful. Now I am trying to write. It is probably over. Once it begins to feel weighted and leaden… and I feel like I am carving letters into gravestones more than writing

a love letter

to you.

 

That is kind of fun though. We gave up there! You saw it. I gave up on where that paragraph was going and… and I just threw in the towel. Ah, but I did one other thing too. I kept going. And simple because you keep going… on that basis alone… the paragraph was saved (salvaged) and we were able to close it in a

nice

sweet

way

about you

.

 

little touches like that

like little embers

one never knows

what sparks they

make

in the morning

.

 

You would like this. I think you would. You would say to yourself, “finally. A guy who gets me, a girl who can see right through me. At last, at last… my heart at last…” and then all the pieces… every little one… they all fall into place, each in a perfect little spot and then

off we go into

some kissing or

 

No. That is not a typo. I meant to end it that way. Where does your mind go then? Miss Jane? Where… did your imagination run off to there, hmm? Come on, we are all friends here, we can talk. It ain’t rocket science Miss Jane.

“I know, I know… it’s just that… uh…”

Uh what Miss Hathsomeways. Huh? What was that all about.

Oh no I got her to blush.

Hold on. I have to take care of her now. Come here baby…

 

I must be close to some boundary condition then. I have attacked this region in many different ways, tricks that writers use. Nothing has made even a scratch on it. Some impervious border, like a great wall. We are there now, as a people.

All the people…

of Earth.

 

Isn’t this fun! Like… olden Bible days again… when the Lord God great and mighty came down, revealing His nature in some way to us. And some could take it. And some weren’t so thrilled about it. Well… let’s see what is more important. The author has a chance to enjoy her life now… or…

the World gets to continue as it is going? Which one would you choose?

I am going to let Miss Jane choose. I trust you… my Lady of Darker Stars than I have ever dared to know. It is always so wonderful to talk to you… like this… in words back and forth… by lazy streams and little babbling brooks… just you and me and soft, summer days. Warm and sunshine and perfect. We even have a little picnic basket, see?

I don’t even remember what I was talking about. I guess I wanted to talk to you one last time,” I said softly to her over coffee at Galactigals. “In case that author dude wants to banish me to some god-forsaken desert in the south west.”

Wanda took a sip of her Americano, looking suave and cool as ever. Jane Bond meets Luke Starstriker. My hero. “You think he would really do that? Right after you just got started at Laguna Beach that makes no sense.”

“I know… it is weird. But he is off on his own search too, Wandy… I mean… I get that about him. That he has some life too, just like we do. Maybe… maybe he ain’t sipping drinks with best friends at thew Dolls, you know?”

“Yweah…. yah here you,” Wanda looked out the sunshiny window into the street. It was early morning traffic… the shop was busy. Easy to get lost in a crowd. “A desert… why a desert?”

“I have no idea… maybe he just wants to.. escape or something… be alone physically. A chance at that.”

“Well… I know writers and I know they are like that usually,” Wanda said. “He is probably dreaming of that… it will probably happen.”

“And there goes my beach dream,” and Michelle sniffed and began to cry softly, took a hanky out of her purse. “… sorry sorry…”

Wanda reached her hand over and held Michelle’s hand, “don’t say a word… let me Michelle…

let me talk to him.”

 

I wouldn’t do anything to hurt her. How could I make her go there, to that dry, parched loneliness… when every song in her heart wanted to sing for Laguna and a shot at a life worth having. I would probably stay there with her. Supportive, nurturing. That must be where nurturing comes from. Someone had to make a sacrifice for someone else. Be willing to take the heat on behalf of someone else. And that will always fall on the author to carry. So, yes. I would have to be willing to remain behind in Laguna, to be near for her. Nurturing… would do that. Love? I don’t know what love would do. Nurturing would make a sacrifice to protect the family though. Nurturing would abandon their own dreams, to be there for the nest.

So writers must always be making these “sacrifices” on behalf of their story. Is apparently what happens. The writer creates a world… the writer involves himself in some way within the story (and be careful there. A very… slippery… slope.) and then his characters. Now, watch this. His… characters… begin to develop their own unique personalities. So you can only try to be understanding toward them. If she wants her own place in Laguna Beach…

then I do, too.

Here is a little beach sketch in letters…

——–x-x—-x——-

—–x–x—-o—o—–

–v–v—^——-cv-v–

. . . . . .. . . .  . .  . .I . . . .  . . . . . . ii I

.. . . ..I I    I… …..ii … … //\\ ………

Visit Terrific Laguna Beach !

For you, Michelle.

 

“Oh look miss X! look… he just sent me the cutest little sketch…”

Miss X took a look and seemed impressed. “Hey lookie there he even got the little ice cream shop in it or whatever that is.”

“Oh yeah… look at that.” Michelle seemed relieved. “I think he cares about me… ”

“I would say so,” X the unknown said to me. “I would say he has a thing for you.”

“Yes… that sounds nice. He has a… thing for me.”

And Michelle looked out into the pristine Cali skies… blue soft feelings rose up inside her and she… gazed up into the clouds… “it is so nice… to know…  someone     really     cares  about me…”

I remember how it was that first year. Realizing this was it. I was committed.

Ten years. A decade of my life in service to my country. To explore, and to do whatever it takes to give my nation, my people. The very best chance at tomorrow… a tomorrow we could all believe in… liberty. Craft. Kisses.

MARS was one step in that direction. It was the turning point. I remember how it thrilled the Earth. One day we were all going to our jobs, whistling while we worked our way through traffic. And then… then the NewsNet paks lit up with the news,

EARTH GOES TO MARS.
NEW INTERNATIONAL MISSION TO BE LAUNCHED SPRING 2020.
EARTH TO SETTLE MARS WITH NEW COLONY – JAMESTOWN II.

How do you even begin to pretend life is still normal after that? We… are going… to… Mars…      how can you even complete that spreadsheet with that wonder floating around you… we are a star people, we are citizens of the nebula worlds, we are going home, we are going…

everywhere…

Maybe some offices let out early that day. It took some time for that to sink in. And the fact that we had been invited to come. That really took some time.

Martians.

Alive. Real. Watching us. Mingling with us. Trying to understand us.

Maybe… a little afraid of us. A planet will always look out for itself. A planet is our home, it is all we have. When other worlds are encountered, nearby planets… instincts arise we had never expected. Defenses were mounted… we knew all was not always well… we had seen it on Earth… would we see it in outer space too?

Mars… has to be trusted. Please… please… this is Michelle I speak to you from your near future… you must believe me… you must dare! You must…

You must be the noble people of the USA, you must be the noble people of every land and nation…

You must be the noble people of Earth.

I know you can hear me because I saw these words in the archives and I know I wrote them in the past. So I know that it worked. How?

Simple.

We are on Mars now… is how I know.

Much love,
Michelle of Laguna Beach
December 13, 2022

 

I suppose we can rest in peace, now… you and me. I think we did the best we could, dear girl. What else could we have done. Having given all, what else is left. Not a lot. Not a lot left to give.

Maybe then we go back to Mars. Are you ready for that?

We hold hands, and the sun begins to get brighter and brighter and… suddenly… everything is washed out in light and all I have is your touch… your hand… and then we feel ourselves disappearing… coming apart and floating and disappearing and… flying softly to Mars our home…

I think I am ready to go home now. It has been so fun. I have finished my course I believe I have graduated and gotten some kind of grade. I will be happy with a C. I want to leave, I want to leave, I want to go home, I want to go home, I want to go home, I want to go home, I want to go home, I want to… go…

We will compare notes then. What you found to be true, which ones were the real bad ones. Once we have them identified. Then they can be imprisoned and    and then only the beautiful and sweet people are left.

Then we can have a happy eternity.

 

It sounds like you have it all worked out. Yes I do. I have every bit of it choreographed in my head. Every step… every little song that WE MUST SING and all the costumes and lighting and everything.

What if I told you it will be nothing like that. What if I told you we would settle into the most incredible love affair that the Earth has ever seen?

What would I say if you told me that? I would say yee hawwww and… leg’s get it on.

Well. You know…      Christmas…   is right around the corner and you… you never know…    you might just get one of the nicest gifts a guy or a girl ever got… on holiday morning. Something… to send you… something to really take you to the starry wonder spaces…

true love. Something wonderful that no human has ever known. To have a girlfriend of heaven, to have a boyfriend of Mars.

Oh that sounds beautiful… then we just walk away, right? Walk away into those breezes, and summer salt ocean smells… and closing my eyes with you and vanishing in a flash of light.

I think it is time. Enough has transpired. I can see what is in your soul. I will open the Gateway now. I will take you by the hand and we will walk through together. Tell it all goodbye. Tell all of Earth good bye… good bye… tell all of heaven good bye too… tell hell too… tell everyone… everything… it will be nice you will see. So natural… you will wonder why you waited so long…

Probably true. I would settle for coffee and a doughnut though. Coffee… doughnut… you. What else matters?

Santa matters too. A boy or a girl will always have to have fun. Are there toy stores on Mars?

Teleportation machines? Do they count?

Yes, that would be a toy to me. A very advanced toy. To travel instantly to another star system, think of the new business prospects we would find. Other civilizations waiting with their dough to take… would give us anything to own something of Earth. Every creation of Earth is priceless. Beyond all known values of diamonds or gold or precious stones. Every touch of a child’s heart means so much to the other worlds. Mars trades in Earth tears. She owns miserable paintings by the broken girls. The lonely boys. Of Earth.

We entered a new dimension then back there, December of Twenty Seventeen… I remember how the skies opened and we began to see with out own eyes, that being alone in the universe was no longer a possibility. We were never alone… they have been watching us…

for eons.

 

What happens to writers? Who get caught up in their own stories? No one else seemed to be needed… what then? What sort of institutions are waiting for those who create? Maybe they die and never know it. Live in obscurity. Not strength left to change anything. Change it… to what? Happyville? Bucktown? Non-stop eating and travel burg? Most expensive mansion in Lagunaton? What… does it really… matter…    the trappings of life… traps… why do you think they call them trap… ings..

Where does my heart live? What is the soft song of my soul?

It is for you dear Lady. It is for you and it is for all that you do. It is for all that you do, and it is in fondness toward you… my Queen who sailed starships of my heart… a capable Lady who knows what to do when the chips are down. A skipper like no other. Celestial mechanics meets a beautiful girl. When we take to space. There will be a Lady to guide each ship. She will be known… she will be watching over her crew… she will be

loved;

 

Then? What is left for sailors to do, they chart and block and tackle and they love that Lady. She whispers secrets to them also. She leads them to where the Mergirls live. And then… each sailor finds his mate. A beautiful seaweed covered girl. Covered in certain places.

Oh! The wonder of inter-galactic love and interactions. Oh, the wonder of deep space romance.

Oh!

 

I love Woodwaxer Schmidt. You ever read any of his sci fi tales? He is wonderful. Those stories of his sent me into alternate realities I was never able to run away from. Those kinds of books… they should put warning labels on. Warning! This story may blow your mind and then you will be worthless the rest of your life.

He is a great writer though. I am a hack. I do not call what I do a story, I call it trying to survive in oppressive, mental conditions. The only true battle is over how I want to conclude life to be. It is always a choice, no matter how it looks on the surface. Is all hope lost? Or are we just beginning?

I choose to see it just beginning. You just beginning your incredible life, me just beginning. USA just beginning. Is that too much? Too much patriotism for our beautiful country? I don’t care. I don’t think it is even possible to say too many nice things about a lovely country like ours. She deserves every fond wish we can give her… a nation’s future health and well being depends on what is in my heart toward her. See the wonder in her eyes.

And there will be wonder in her eyes.

 

I have seen starships come and I have seen starships go
And I ain’t never seen them pretty as yo

Softly she kisses the curtains of space,
Make silent wishes, the solemnness,
My Lady who champions, my heavenly place.

She rages and wonders. she bounces a lot. she gives silver wishes she makes me dream a lot. Romance… does… have a lot to do with it. Those sevens, dear lady… those sevenly places… dreamy…

romantic.

Looks like Chrismas come early for some girls this year. Watching and waiting they drew ’round the fear. Never in wildest imagining thoughts. Had these girls dared to even consider their lot.

Looks like Chrismas come real… early… this year.

For one lucky girl I know. Real… lucky.

How lucky is that?

I dunno. A lot luckier than my wildest dreams! Ha haaaaa … you are so much fun…  I do not have words to tell you what you mean to me. As… halted and stubborn and mule-headed as I am. I fall apart when I think of you. Fall apart and…    and never want to be put back together again…

without you.

 

Romance. I wondered about romance. A lot of writers do real well that way, not me. I would fumble around at it… did not have a clue which way how what am I doing… romance is crazy… is what it is. Total lost in heaven place or something. Put a warning label on that one too. Proceed at your own risk. Good luck kids is all I got to say.